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Is sex in a relationship just a good thing, or is it the only thing? If your new girlfriend or boyfriend wanted to put off having sex, how long would you be able to last before breaking up with them?
For that matter, what if your spouse suddenly lost interest in bedroom activites? Would that be a major problem?
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"Even though I'm no more than a monster - don't I, too, have the right to live?" -- Oldboy (2003) |
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Relationships are transactional. Some people do a better of job of communicating with their partner what the transaction is than others, but most of them have different parameters. Some relationships exist for the sole purpose of the two partners having sex and pleasing each other that way. And as long as both of them are aware of that, and they don't have other needs that the other person doesn't know about, then that's fine. Another relationship might exist solely for the purpose of companionship; a couple might just want someone to see a movie with each week, or someone to discuss books with twice a week over coffee. Everything in between is possible too.
So the answer to the question, "How important is sex in a relationship?" is most easily answered with, "It depends on the relationship." Problems start to arise when people need something from a relationship that they can't get. Suppose you're into a certain bedroom activity, and you marry a woman who hates that particular bedroom activity. She refuses to do it, ever. Are you willing to live the rest of your life without it? Or are you okay with getting that need met elsewhere? Is she okay with you getting that need met elsewhere? Or is it something you're willing to give up in exchange for the other perks you get out of the relationship? If sex in a relationship with a wife is a 10 on a scale from 1 to 10 for me, and 1 on a scale of 1 to 10 for her, then we might have a troubled marriage. In fact, it's almost guaranteed. There's nothing wrong with wanting certain things in a relationship sexually. But it's important to figure out what's important for you and whether or not your significant other is a good fit. And that doesn't just apply to sexual things; it also applies to things like conversation, kids, housework, etc. It's completely acceptable for a man to expect his wife to do housework, but she needs to be okay with expectation too, or their marriage is going to be troubled. Sex is no different. It's all about communicating your needs, finding out your partner's needs, and making sure that a relationship is a good fit. |
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Sex is as important to a relationship as those participating in the relationship make it. Like Randy said, it's about finding a good fit.
I think it depends too on how the act of sex is looked at by a particular person. Similar perception is key. If one person sees sex as a way to bond and express their love while the other person only sees sex as a way to vent stress then the difference in meaning is likely to cause friction or mislead feelings. I think devotion tends to overcome most incompatibilities. If your partner requires something that you don't particularly care for you might be willing to make an exception for them simply because you desire to make them happy. And vise versa. I think most couples can come to terms about their sexual needs with some kind of compromise but like with all things there are thresholds some are unwilling to break. In my opinion it's best not to judge your self or judge your partner for your differences in the bedroom (if any). If you're not satisfied or if your partner is not satisfied it doesn't mean that one is right while the other is wrong. It just means you want different things. If you can't deal with that incomparability I think it's best to move on. I think the worse thing you could ever do is feel forced to do something you don't want to do. In that same sense if you feel that something is truly missing in your sexual life that your partner is unable/unwilling to satisfy then you shouldn't feel forced (or guilt tripped) to accept it. Just make sure you're being fair to your self and to your partner. |
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I believe sex is an important part of a relationship if even one of the parties agrees it is. Just as those have previously stated, if it's important to one and not the other, trouble will arise. It is very important to discuss this with your partner. I believe that everyone is going to have a dry spell at some point in time (so I hear), but talking about it seems to make that spell shorter from experiences my friends have had. Alot of times the woman is disappointed in herself and does not feel sexy. When she is talked to about it openly by her husband and he does not try to have sex with her but just talks to her about her feelings, she begins to feel better about herself and wants to thank him and the sex begins again.
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And as long as both of them are aware of that, and they don't have other needs that the other person doesn't know about, then that's fine. Another relationship might exist solely for the purpose of companionship; a couple might just want someone to see a movie with each week, or someone to discuss books with twice a week over coffee. Everything in between is possible too.
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